Dlilli Chakkar.. yeh hai Dilli Chakkar

So my accomodation is towards the outskirts of Delhi. You know, it actually reminds me of my nani's small town Raigarh in Chhatisgarh. You've cycle rickshaws running across the road, loads of pedestrians, infinite amounts of construction activites, unbearable heat, yet a very homely feeling!
Obviously before running away to a new place, you obviously like to find out the teeny weeny details that might come handy. Trust me the most I had heard about, even more than the girls, the heat or the street food, was about the transport here. And yeah most of it did turn out to be true...

Buses

• The first thing you would obviously hear is about the (in)famous BLUELINE buses. However it turned out not totally but to quite some extent the contrary. Now since the govt buses are few you have these private buses running, and I must say their service is impressive! But yeah it gets worse when 2 blueline drivers want to race.. man god save you if you're a pedestrian!! 
• So these blue line buses stop on da normal stops.. nd shout their lungs out to catch hold of passengers..
  And sometimes they will talk to you personally such that you will be convinced that this is the only bus that can take you home! And if you're just walking along the road, they start gesturing to you as if he knows where you're going and the bus is going to follow exactly the same route.
  
• Delhi ladies, however fat they may be, however ugly or however old.. will have too much of self esteem
  -In the bus, to a woman looking 30-40 yrs old
  Me: aunty zara bag utha dijiye, mujhe baithna hai
  gives me a taunting lookAunty: Main tumhaari aunty nahi lagti.. aur waise bhi upar pado.. ladies seat hai
  Me: aunty mujhe pata hai.. jab koi lady ayengi.. main uth jaonga..
  Aunty: tum yahaan nahi baith sakte.. jao warna conductor ko complaint kar dungi..
  I began to retreat when another nice aunty vacated her seat and occupied the ladies seat and asked me take her place.. GOD BLESS HER! :D
  
• The bus conductor and his assistant will always occupy 2 seats! Man we're paying for the ride not you
  
• Once in a blue line busPassenger: 1 nizamuddin tak ki dena
  conductor: 5 rupaye
  gives a 10 rupee noteconductor: sir chutte dijiye
  passenger: (in a loud angry voice) arey chutte nahi hai! kahaan se laon chutte
  conductor: sahaab pls utar jaiye..
  and the conductor forced him out of the bus!.. AWESOME!
  
• this passenger gets onto the bus, goes and occupies the seat.. After sometime gets up, goes to conductorpassenger: 1 supreme court ki dena
  conductor: sir aap jahaan chade the.. woh supreme court hi tha!!
  
• And guess what, as I told you about ladies, its same with the girls. Have an air about themselves but no gives a damn about them. This often leads to fights within buses with girls thinking that the guy is trying to flirt with her.
  That is still fine. It happens in Bombay too sometimes.
  But guess what. I have often seen the conductor giving a toffee to the quarelling girl to shut her up.. mast idea bey!!
  
  

Auto Rickshaws

• Ok, so the delhi auto waalas have definitely lived up to their reputation. The meanest, shrewdest (dont know if dats a word) nd da most cunning people you'll ever find. And the unity among the auto drivers is like crazy!!
  
• me: bhaiya badarpur jaana hai.. kitna door hai..
  driver: arey paas mein hi hai sahab..kuch 2-3 km par chalke nahi jaa payenge..
             paas mein hi hai..  yahin bagal mein.. chaliye..
  me: kitna lenge
  driver: sahab bas 100 rupaye hoga!
  
• Foremost, I dont understand why these Delhiites find long distances so short
  me: pragati maidan kaise jaate hai?
  arbit guy: arey bas yahin kuch 5 km door. jaldi pahuch jayenge
  
  me: ye sarai chowk kahaan padti hai?
  arbit guy2: ye to raha saamne ... bas wo dekhiye saamne.. lagbhag 2km door
  
• And secondly why the hell do they talk in terms of km instead of time
  me: ye jangpura ke liye kitna time lagega?
  arbit guy 3: bus 3 km sir
  
  me: bhogal ki ticket dena.. jab ayega toh bata dena
  bus guy: aaram se baithiye sir.. ab toh 8-9 km door hai..
  ....???
  
• So i'm standing at pragati maidan bus stop.. da actual maidan is like a stone's throw away from der.
  Arbit person (AP): bhaiya pragati maidan jaana hai kitna loge..
  Auto: Sahab door padega.. 80 lagega..
  AP: 60 dunga..
  Auto: sir na apki na meri.. 70.. chaliye..
  AP: chaliye..
  and b4 i cud tell da poor guy its walking distance.. da auto waala took him 2 some random street far away

Cycle Rickshaws

• The slowest, cheapest and lamest means of transport, even lamer than walking in the heat.
  
• but yeah, these guys consider themselves heroes as well.. you will always find these cycle rickshaws occupying the right most lanes of the road.. wtf!
  
• me: bhaiya.. sarai chowk ka kitna loge
  him: sahaab 20 rupaiya..
  me: par auto rickshaw toh 15 leta hai.. aap unse zyaada kyu loge?
  him: sahaab unki toh fatfattiya hai.. unki toh gaadi tel se chalti hai.. humaari toh paseene se chalti hai!
  always maaro senti.. undoubtedly 

Have travelled by metro only once.. so not many anecdotes to share.. but yeah.. metro is mindblowing!!